PSLE

Yesterday, 25 Nov 2010, was PSLE result-taking day. I was nervous since two weeks ago and I guessed, I got even more nervous as the day was coming nearer till I dreamt about this day two nites before. People always say that dreams are, well, juz dreams. Not a reality. But in this case, it seems that Allah swt gave me that dream as a premonition and as a preparation for me to face what was to happen on the actual day. I dreamt that Aqil scored juz enough to take him to Normal Academic stream. In the dream, I did not reprimand him, although I was disappointed. All I said was it was over, no point regretting cos no effort was truly put in by him and it was time to move forward to a new life in secondary school and buck up.

So, yesterday, his aggregate was juz 7 points higher than that in my dream. Juz like what happened in my dream, I was cool about it. Disappointed? Yes. Extremely. Cos I know I've put in a lot of effort in this child of mine and have spent a lot of time teaching him as compared to the other three. He is my eldest son and I want him to be the positive example to his siblings. But what can I say? Dear assured me that I've done my part; it was juz the boy himself. As long as he has a nonchalant attitude in him, no matter how much effort and time I invest in him, that attitude will be the main recipe for his failure in life. Having said that, I cannot and I do not wish to give up so easily. He is my son. I love him as much as I love my other three children. I juz take it that he may be a late-bloomer...Today onwards, the revision for all core subjects will re-start.

I cried. Which mother won't cry upon seeing her son crying after getting his result? But I didn't cry on the spot at the school canteen. I cried when we were inside McDonald's. It was the first time Aqil saw me cry.

The whole day yesterday, many people asked me about Aqil's performance. When I told them, they consoled and comforted me. I hope they were truly sincere. Cos past incidents have made me become sceptical about some of them. Anyway, no piece of news travels slowly in my extended family. As of last nite, I am very sure that empress already knows the PSLE results of Adon and Aqil. And I am very sure that the first thing that came out from her mouth would be, "Padan muka!"...It's a shame that you create an enemy with your own flesh and blood. Again, I told myself, I've done my best as her daughter but probably, my best is not good enough for her. Cos my best doesn't include giving her $200 or more every month as duit belanja. I still remember what my girlfriend's soon-to-be-ex-husband said: MONEY TALKS, SHIT WALKS.

It's Friday. I have a sales appointment tonite. Syukur Alhamdulillah, I still have friends who have faith in me and my company, to do business with me and indirectly, help me to earn some rezeki for my children and to allow me to be nearer to my company's sales target for my contract maintenance, so that I won't lose my job...It has been very hard for me, juggling between career, household chores, kids' studies, family problems, etc. Those who are close to me know that I am struggling with my sales target. Those who are close to me know that even a $10-per-month sale goes a long way for me. Hence, a $100-$200 per month of premium from a client is a bonus to me.

PS:- Enggang sama enggang, biar pipit sama pipit.